Tuesday, August 19, 2014

What Are You Doing?

Hello family and friends,

What are you doing today?  I am trying to keep my thoughts bright.  Some mornings I wake up with anxiety and fear.  The past few mornings have been heavy, but I am alive and moving forward, day after day.  I think about these people every moment, and I know there is a great purpose in store for each of us.      

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What Are You Doing?

What are You doing?
I whisper, dejected,
My life quickly falling apart.
I don’t understand
How a Father who loves me
Could witness my suffering
heart.

What are You doing?
I try to move forward,
But obstacles get in my way.
I struggle to see
How the stumbling is helpful
With challenges day after day.

What are You doing?
This turn, unexpected,
Is leading me down a new path.
I follow in faith,
Hope’s anticipation
Is all the assurance I have.

What are You doing?
I wonder it daily,
But little by little I see
The light moving with me
With each step I take
The vision unfolds graciously.

What are You doing?
I ask in amazement
As wonders and blessings unfold.
I’m learning,
Perspective is altered by
patience.
If faithful, Thy purpose behold.

Anna M. Molgard

 

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Finding Joy in Every Day

One of my dear friends, Lisa, who has a child with special disabilities, shared a story with me many years ago that I’ve never forgotten.  The author’s point-of-view stems from having a special needs child herself, but I find her insight especially helpful in facing the loss of an expectant future.  

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

"...it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

I’m learning that my new life in Holland can be filled with joy.  The days are going by with an occasional outing interspersed here and there, but I’ve stayed inside most of the time working through thoughts and avoiding the muggy heat.  The girls still have a good two weeks before school starts, and I’m trying to be exciting for them in every way, but my lack of energy and my need to read has kept us in.  I am blessed with happy children (which makes the indoors easier this time of year), but this pregnancy is exhausting, and I can barely get to 1pm before my body demands a cat nap.  

In the process of accepting a hard mortal hit, it’s pertinent to shift perspective in order to cope with the loss of dreams unrealized.  The absence of a stable force in an expectant future is a "very very significant loss," but HOPE in brighter days ahead has enabled me to look up, prepare for a different course, and recognize that there will be joy in my new reality. 

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Monday, August 4, 2014

Baby News :)

Jared & I are excited to announce the upcoming birth of another boy (baby #4), due 12/13/14!  I truly wish I had the perfect ultrasound shot, or better yet, a belly picture of me in the cutest trendiest maternity clothes you ever did see, but today, considering the past three weeks, I am simply grateful for this blessing and the compelling motivation it is to meet my challenges with courage and to joyfully accept that life must continue on.